Did you ever have one of those days when you simply need to bake something that is comforting? That was Sunday for me. I played around with chocolate chip cookies and varying the recipes that I researched. I learned that increasing the brown sugar and reducing the white sugar makes a difference in the flavor. I will also only use dark brown sugar for my chocolate chip cookies. I made a batch of brown butter to use, which make the dough consistency different. To me, it looked much denser than the traditional "back of the chocolate chip bag" recipe. I also added an extra egg yolk. I have to be honest in that I really don't know if that made a difference. Any bakers out there? Feel free to comment!
I can say that the nutty aroma of the brown butter was mesmerizing. With one sniff, the stress and anxiety of our world's present situation, for a brief moment, was gone! If I could just pump the smell through the world, we all might be a little more relaxed. It reminded me of walking past the Main Street Bakery in Walt Disney World!
For the first batch, I made each ball of dough .04 g and baked them at 325 for about 9-10 minutes, watching carefully. They were mini and perfect, and once cooled, I piped chocolate ganache frosting in between and decorated rainbow jimmies around the outside. These were delivered to camp because baking for my camp peeps makes me happy. My family likes to joke about how I bake more for friends and colleagues than for home.
For home, I made the cookies larger, but then baked them two ways. One batch was baked at the "recommended" oven temperature that I often see in recipes, which is 375. These cookies were way too crispy for me! I am thinking of blitzing them in the food processor and making an ice cream topping with them instead. For the next batch, I lowered the temperature back to 325. I should also mention that I was using a dark cookie sheet with parchment paper, so that also makes a difference. These were PERFECT!
I have not left my plan for working on all of the technical challenges from the Great British Baking Show. I looked through recipes for days, and I just could not wrap my head around what to bake! I decided not to stress myself over this challenge and simply bake something that is comforting to me instead. I needed to clear my baking brain. It is not just about clearing the baking brain, but it is also about clearing my completely cluttered brain instead. With all this time home, there is so much time to think. With that time to think comes time to stress and think about all the anxiety-provoking topics in today's world. Unfortunately, there are too many to choose from.
If I am to be perfectly honest, the baking therapy helps, but the anxiety still looms. I don't know about you, but managing anxiety is hard enough without the added stress of current events. I consider myself lucky. I still have my job, my family, my friends, and my health. For me, anxiety sort of sits back and waits for the perfect opportunity to jump in and attack my ever-positive demeanor. I have been finding it hard to be positive lately. When I wrote Healing part 2, I talked about reflecting on choices, rather than regret. I have been blurring that line lately. I have been allowing myself to feel regret over past events rather than working to move forward. It was hard for over the last few days and my positivity was tested.
Is baking just a band-aid for my anxiety? I know that when I am baking, my mind is focused and I am goal-oriented. Perhaps the baking was my opportunity to simply be kind to myself and to others as well. I received messages today about how my cookies were a hit at camp! So, perhaps I did my job in putting smiles on the faces of others. That, in turn, helps me to feel more positive about my day.
Maybe I need some more baking therapy as I reflect on how to move forward in my life. I have to admit, writing this blog has been healthy for me too, but this was not my favorite entry. I guess that is life. Sometimes the cookies come out perfectly and sometimes the texture is not quite there. The same can be said for writing. Sometimes you hit the mark and other times, it needs revising. I am not beating myself up over this blog entry. It is proof that my mind is all over the place right now and that is ok with me. I am here to learn and what better way to learn than to make mistakes. Even chocolate chip cookies that don't come out perfectly still taste yummy!!
Thanks for listening! xoxo
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